Spinning (January 11, 2012)

Hey everyone,

Do you remember as a kid (or possibly when you’re older) spinning in circles? You spin, and spin, and spin until you plop yourself down on the floor and then for some reason your head is still spinning even though your body isn’t. It takes a few minutes before you get reoriented enough to get up and do it again. I used to do this, spin until I just fall down on the couch. I did it just so I could watch the ceiling fan continue spinning, it seemed like a shadow would detach from the ceiling fan and make big circles around it, and the circles would get smaller and continue to get smaller until it the shadow fit right into the ceiling fan itself. Then I would get up and do it again.

Recently, I’ve feel like the shadow of that ceiling fan. The semester is finally over, the spinning has stopped but my head is still spinning. During the semester, when everything is busy, I can think of a million things to do when the holiday comes. I’ll clean, write supporters, apply for graduate schools for next year, and spend good time with Father. But when the holiday began it seemed I’d forgotten everything I wanted to do, my shadow was still spinning. The last week or so has consisted of restless days going for walks, starting movies and not finishing them, walking around my apartment, and wishing it was warmer outside. To top it off, my time with Father has seemed to be just as restless. He was silent. Finally, after about a week of this, I finally hear Him whisper, “find me.”

Then, I realize that I’ve not been restless the past week because I’ve not had anything to do, I’ve been restless because I’ve spent it filling my time with things that won’t give me rest. I expect Father to shout at me over the noise of a movie or even over the noise of my friends when I should be spending time with Him. But He won’t shout (I mean, sometimes He does but I don’t think usually), He waits patiently for me to find Him. I’m learning that how much I hear Father’s voice is directly related to how much I seek His voice. Of course! It’s so simple but oh so, difficult to carry out. I want to find Him, I want to hear His voice, see His face, sit at His feet as He speaks. He is there waiting for me (and you too!)

“You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.” Jer. 29:13

Please as you seek Him; ask Him for me that He won’t let me be so easily distracted. That He will keep His pull on me and let me get my shadow to fit where it is supposed to be. Thanks for reading everyone, I love and miss you all very much and I hope you have had wonderful holidays.

-with all my heart

Ashley

p.s. I’ve listed my traveling plans for this vacation if you’re interested.

January 22-27: Spend a week in a city called Chengdu. There is a counseling program there associated with ELIC that I want to check out, they counsel Chinese people. It’s a possible future plan. J

Jan. 27- Feb 8: Spend a week in Thailand for the Annual Thailand Conference for ELIC.

Feb. 8-16^th: India. Because we have two months off, some of my team thought we’d spend it visiting the Mother Teresa Home for the Destitute and the Dying. We will be there for one week as volunteers.

Then it’s off to Beijing for a few days before classes start at the end of February.